This is something I thought was cute and wanted to share for laughs.

    Blessings to all Kittina

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained...!!!

The North has Bloomingdale' s, the South has Dollar General.

The North has Coffee Houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not und erstanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin.' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It do e sn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits

Ritual for the Great God Spammenot and the Goddess Delete

Ritual for the Great God Spammenot and the Goddess Delete*

*pronounced 'Del - ee - tay



another email! By Stacie Buckle

Altar Setup -- Computer, keyboard, and mouse in center of altar, if you wish to put out candles and incense that is well and good, but it is probably better to forgo the salt and water for reasons that SHOULD be obvious. Connect to your ISP and open your mailbox.

The Ritual

I. Cast your circle.

If you have a cordless mouse you may use this to cast, otherwise you are better off
using your usual tools.

II. Invocations of the elements

East -- O creatures of Air, you who bring "me too" posts, thoughts and ideas of the
world into my inbox, be with me this night as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot &
Delete.

South -- O creatures of Fire, you who bring the love letters, promises of organ
enlargement, and flames of the e-list to my inbox, be with me this night as I honor the
Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

West -- O creatures of Water, you who bring guilt-trips, chain letters, and outpourings of joy to my inbox, be with me this night as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

North -- O creatures of Earth, you who bring technical support posts, product updates, and the minions of spam to my inbox, be with me tonight as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

III. Invoking the God and Goddess.

Great God Spammenot

Protector of the inbox

Filterer of pyramid schemes and sex sites

Guardian against pharmaceutical companies

Soldier against the forces of bulk email marketing

Be with me this night as I read my mail

Let not the evil forces of greed and corruption
make it past your filters

I invoke your name

Spammenot, Spammenot, Spammenot (hit the report spam key repeatedly)

Great Goddess Delete

The last barrier between unwanted mail and me

Render of me too posts

Shredder of the dreaded chain email letters

Destroyer of all I do not wish to bring into my life

Be with me this night as I read my mail

Take ye all of the posts which have escaped your consort's power

I invoke your name

Delete, Delete, Delete (continue hitting delete button until you feel the goddess'
power.)

IV -- Cakes and Mail

Read your email in peace and joy. And delete the cookies in your temporary files for
good measure.

V -- Thank the God and Goddess

Great Goddess Delete

I thank you for your awesome power

Gone are the days when I waded endlessly through emails.

Praised be your name. Go now in peace until I read again. Hail and Farewell.


Great God Spammenot

You grow in power daily

Deliver me always from the dark forces of Spam

I give you honor and reverence. Stay with me always until I read again. I bid thee
thanks.

VI: Dismissal of the Quarters

North -- O creatures of the Earth, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the information from technical support. I bid you Hail and Farewell.

West -- O creatures of Water, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the joyful news I have received. I bid you Hail and Farewell.

South -- O creatures of Fire, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the love letters. I bid you Hail and farewell.

East -- O creatures of Air, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the information and ideas of others. I bid you Hail and Farewell.

VII Open the Circle

The circle is opened and never broken. So mote it be!
__________________________________

Your Own Fireworks

Click randomly on the black space above to create your very own amazing fireworks show! If you want sound, turn up your computer speakers. Have fun!

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Greetinds all;

Here are a couple lists I found that are funny but all too true.

Enjoy Kittina

Americans Are Wacky

- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

- We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwhich.

- We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

- We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

- We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.

- We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

Work Laws

- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.

- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

- To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.

- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

- The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.